I told you so
by adamalove777
Summary: Brenda is driving to see Sharon after a 3 month separation... Will Sharon accept her back into her heart and life? Angsty. This is my first B/S fic (I thought I had creeped long enough..)So any reviews would be lovely! p.s. A million thanks and all my love to frakkingblerg for being my beta. If there are any mistakes-they are my own.


"If I told you that I realized you're all I ever wanted and it's killing me to be so far away, would you tell me that you loved me and would we cry together?"

Brenda flicked her turn signal on and turned right. The wind whipped through her blond curls, the sun beating down on her, not unlike the heat in the middle of the Georgia summer. She saw the familiar street signs, the shops (the old Chinese favorite where she and Sharon would order take-out, the whole foods store where Sharon insisted on shopping even though there wasn't a hoho in sight, the mechanics they had drug Sharon's car to after her flat tire..). Her stomach clenched with each memory. She gripped the steering wheel between her sweaty palms and worried her lower lip between her teeth. She hadn't felt this apprehensive since the first time Clay had caught her sneaking out. But this time a grounding or a ban from a Friday night football game wasn't at stake-her life was, or rather the only future she could see for herself. She glanced at the letter sitting in her passenger's seat. What if Sharon refused to read it? What if she tore it up on the spot?

Brenda knew she deserved everything Sharon could do to her- and more. She had left her high and dry with a broken heart three months before. What had she been thinking? Leaving Sharon- sweet, centered, brilliant, sexy Sharon? Sharon, who, despite everything, loved Brenda- not Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson, not domesticate Brenda (something she'd NEVER be)- just Brenda- blemishes and all. She knew at the time she had been scared and hurt, but just once Brenda wished she could have thought everything completely through and not let her momentary feelings dictate the whole situation. She got people to confess to murder every day, but she couldn't admit to herself that she was in love with Sharon and had been making the wrong decision? As she turned down Sharon's road she recalled that day three months ago- the day when Fritz had called her, asking her back into his life. Brenda had been the one who had asked for the separation, and she had wanted it. During the separation she had gotten close to Sharon..more than close..she had fallen in love with her. But of course, just like any other time when things got complicated in their relationship (shared investigations, different mindsets on policy etc) Brenda got scared. Really Brenda had known what all the anger and fear had stemmed from- she was insecure. She was moving to a new position at the DA's office and leaving her job with Major Crimes. It wasn't so much that she was moving to a new position (she'd done that before, first in Georgia, then in D.C., now L.A)- rather that Sharon was replacing her in her old. So when Fritz called after an explosive fight, offering her a place in his "normal" hetero world- she took it. It felt like an easy out. It felt like a piece of her old world to hold on to. That was one the funny things about life Brenda thought to herself People are always so terrified of leaving the past behind, they forget to look at the new things life has brought forth for them. In her case she had been so intent on finding control, on standing upon familiar ground, she had lost sight of what was really important in her future. She had been stuck in the past, and unfortunately had made the centuries old mistake of remembering the past in rose colored glasses. She remembered packing her things while Sharon was out (she felt like a coward but she couldn't take the off chance that Sharon would come home...because she was scared she might decide to actually stay.)

So when Sharon had come home, intent on apologizing, she had instead had her heart torn to pieces.

"Brenda Leigh" Sharon called from the foyer, slipping off her patent leather stilettos and setting her keys on the table.

"Honey" she began, making her way towards the shuffling noise she heard coming from the bedroom.

"I am so sor-" She stopped short and her eyes darted from Brenda to the suitcase. Brenda saw a look of hurt flash in her eyes before she masked it and hardened her features.

"What's going on?" Sharon asked "Wait" she said holding up her hand. "Don't answer that. I know what's going on/ Things got difficult for two seconds and Brenda Leigh is running away. Where are you going?"

Brenda set a defiant look upon her face "I'm going back to Fritz's. I'm going back to Fritz."

"Are you serious?" Sharon laughed. It was a mean laugh, not the deep, husky chuckle Brenda was fond of, but a vicious laugh.

"Are you fucking serious Brenda? You are going back to him? You know what ? I should have expected this. Anytime anyone asks you to sacrifice anything you run away. Well Brenda run/ Run back to everything you said you didn't want. Just know you can't run back to me again. I'm done." Sharon spat.

Brenda's eyes filled with tears remembering. She knew as soon as she had defiantly left (everything had been defiant- to protect her pride) she had made the wrong decision.

She did end up going back to Fritz's- but only to tell him she wanted a divorce. At first he had protested but once she had told him she had moved on (intentionally saying she was "in love with someone else", driving the final nail into the coffin of their marriage) he had relented. Brenda had heard he was offered the position in D.C once again, and he had taken it. It was so strange but the dissolution of their marriage didn't even really hurt her at all. She had thought, especially when she didn't have Sharon to rely on anymore, that she would fall apart without him. But she hadn't. She knew then that she needed to rely on herself- to stop trying to rely on a "fixer" (something Fritz always was) and find out what she truly wanted. At the end of the conclusion she knew what she really wanted, what she had always known she really wanted- Sharon. She had tried to see Sharon but all her attempts to contact her had gone unanswered. She had tried calling, tried catching her when she was visiting with the boys, or at events for the city- but every time Sharon seemed to evaporate, always with excuses made for her absence. Brenda wondered if there had ever really been a woman named Sharon Raydor anymore. She had wanted to stop by her house, to apologize, to try to be friends if nothing else- but what would she have said? She knew she didn't really deserve her back but some small part of her hoped that the captain hadn't lost all feeling for her. She parked on the curbs and made her way up Sharon's walk. She was just going to set the letter she had written in her and leave. She knew she was being childish to not just mail it, but she held to a part of her that hoped Sharon would be around. Her crown vic wasn't in sight, but it was looking like it might become a rainy day and it could be in the garage.

As she stepped onto the porch, she heard the swift motion of the door being opened. Brenda lifted her head to see a lithe redhead in her mid forties wearing yoga pants and a Nike t -shirt open the door.

"Hello. Can I help you?" the woman asked with a smile.

"Uhmm" Brenda stammered. Who was this woman? Did Sharon move?

The woman's eyes darted to the envelope in Brenda's hand and her eyes skimmed over the name Sharon printed on the front, back to Brenda.

"Oh, you're here for Sharon?" she asked.

Before Brenda could answer she had called over her shoulder into the house.

"Her honey, someone is at the door for you.

Brenda's heart dropped. _Honey._ She had called her honey.

She clutched the letter to her chest and quickly turned around.

"Who " she heard Sharon's familiar voice float through the air.

"Uhm" the woman had turned back to the spot Brenda had just been occupying, a question in her voice.

mailbox

"Miss?" she called after her. But Brenda ignored her and scrambled into her car. She turned the key in the ignition as fast as she could and roared away. She refused to look in the rear view mirror as she sped off of the knew she should have stayed,should have explained but..No. Her vision blurred as she switched lanes and drove as far away from where she had come as possible. The rain hit the car in violent drummings and her windshield wipers thrummed furiously against the knew it had been the wrong decision three months ago. She knew it was the wrong decision now. She just didn't know it would be so permanent.

_"I told you so, but you had to go and now I've found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again" _


End file.
